I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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