i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
