Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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