i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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