shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
where are my eyebrows?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
