She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
