the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
