someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he thought i was a dude.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
