I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
