the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
