I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
