We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
