Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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