finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
