Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
