I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
