This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
