i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
