What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
