Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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