i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You are the jesus of drinking
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
