new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
