Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
