What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
