Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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