if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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