I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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