So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
