I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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