dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
