even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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