he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
