Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
