Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
