i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
