Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
