I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
