She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
