apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
