The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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