apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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