I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
