Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
