babies were throwing up all over the place
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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