Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
