I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Is Oprah even human
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
