I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
