omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Bring me that man meat
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
