I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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