Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
