On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you inspire me to be a worse person
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
