we have pet lesbian snakes
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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