last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
