OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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