Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
